Shocking Study Sending Panic Through Feminist Groups

A new study released by Columbia university has revealed some remarkable findings in sex differences between men and women.  The study, conducted by Leah Manhater found that men, on average, have more penises than women. The research was conducted with billions of tax payers money and found a conclusive link between men and penises which spanned all cultures and ethnicity.

"The findings were conclusive," Manhater said, "Men seem to have penises more than women." It was tallied that 99% of men had a penis and less than 1% of women had a penis.

Outrage has been sweeping across the feminist community as they react to this recent finding. One feminist, known as Jennifer Gargantuan had this to say. "Oppression. The only reason men have more penises than women is because of a millennia of patriarchal oppression. This should only redouble our quest for equality. Women should be encouraged to grow penises from an early age." Planned Parenting is looking into the matter.

While the study had conclusive findings some are challenging the assertion. One women's studies scientist is doing research into the penis gender gap in her latest book, "Woman Of the Cock." In it she claims that not only is there no penis gender gap but women have bigger penises than men and know how to use them a lot better.

The study has also managed to attract some political attention as well. "This is an outrage," Secretary of State Hillary Clinton said, "I've had a penis my whole life and I won't stop until every woman has a penis which is as equally as small as my husbands."

Hugo Dickless, a male feminist, has taken proactive measures to end this misogyny by castrating himself and donating it to his wife. "I wasn't using it. It's best she have it since she usually pegs my anus four nights a week anyway."  He also created a new website, cockless.com, in which men can donate their useless cocks to women. Their slogan, "Chop off the cock. End oppression," has received shrugs from most feminist groups.  They've had a total of 0 participants but are expected to receive funding from the government for the next two centuries.

Obama made his own statement on the matter. "Not only do women have large and voluptuous penises but Michelle's is larger than mine which you can tell by my gaping asshole."

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